2. From when I learnt freedom is my favourite thing in the world

7. From when I learnt that freedom is my favourite thing in the world

I went from one extreme to the other. Until I was 10 years old I wouldn’t separate from my parents further than a meter. I was shy and I didn’t want to play with other kids in the Public Square. My dad set a rule that forced me to leave a gap of one meter between us when I was playing in the beach. I definitely enjoyed being under the wing.

When I turned 12 I felt rebellious. It was time for the riot of my youth. I changed my style, my manners and became a cool asshole. Cool, but asshole. My parents accepted it, they let me be, but more and less controlled my stupidity. What they could do, of course. Probably wasn’t easy. I honestly didn’t get a great outcome, but my inner revolution felt insane.

When I turned 14 I went over it and realised I was in the pinnacle of my maturity. I told my mom she was none to tell me when should I go to sleep or come back home. It didn’t quite work.

When I turned 15 I had a girlfriend, enormous argument to justify my desired independency. Of course, it didn’t quite work either, but it led to a negotiation. Of course I only wanted to do what I wanted, economically independence still feels far away.

When I turned 16 my mom decided it was enough. I was finally going to sleep whenever I felt and making it back home at the time I decided to. I was responsible over my decisions and what I only had to do was bring good marks home. It worked for all of us.

Halfway my 17 years old I started living alone. This made independency real and I didn’t quite enjoy it at the beginning, but it got amazing with time.

At 18 I was traveling and I discovered why was I so curious about independence. I could do anything. It was the pinnacle of freedom. I could go anywhere and nobody could even argue my decisions. Awe. But why, why was I craving these sensations if I had the most wonderful parents who never said anything and always let me do what I wanted to do. Actually, they always pushed me forward towards developing my decision-making.

I don’t know. It’s not that I have an answer for every question I formulate. What I can answer it that I had idealised  freedom and I rejected everything that might have attempted to change it.   

I think that paragraph is a great summary of my mind-set for the last two years. 

But now. Nowadays is what matters and I don't know what it the situation. I always face the easiest example when I think about this topic. Do I reject emotional stability? Am I scared of trying something more stable in opposition to my usual way of action? I don't know if I bring up this topic because of the jokes my friends do, or because it's actually something that matters to me. 

There is some sort of freedom you sacrifice when you start something new, compared to my actual lifestyle. Do I fear that? Am I wrong with my suppositions? I actually wonder, because I don't have an answer for any of these. 

I don’t know. Solution will be found on time.