2. From when I learnt freedom is my favourite thing in the world

7. From when I learnt that freedom is my favourite thing in the world

I went from one extreme to the other. Until I was 10 years old I wouldn’t separate from my parents further than a meter. I was shy and I didn’t want to play with other kids in the Public Square. My dad set a rule that forced me to leave a gap of one meter between us when I was playing in the beach. I definitely enjoyed being under the wing.

When I turned 12 I felt rebellious. It was time for the riot of my youth. I changed my style, my manners and became a cool asshole. Cool, but asshole. My parents accepted it, they let me be, but more and less controlled my stupidity. What they could do, of course. Probably wasn’t easy. I honestly didn’t get a great outcome, but my inner revolution felt insane.

When I turned 14 I went over it and realised I was in the pinnacle of my maturity. I told my mom she was none to tell me when should I go to sleep or come back home. It didn’t quite work.

When I turned 15 I had a girlfriend, enormous argument to justify my desired independency. Of course, it didn’t quite work either, but it led to a negotiation. Of course I only wanted to do what I wanted, economically independence still feels far away.

When I turned 16 my mom decided it was enough. I was finally going to sleep whenever I felt and making it back home at the time I decided to. I was responsible over my decisions and what I only had to do was bring good marks home. It worked for all of us.

Halfway my 17 years old I started living alone. This made independency real and I didn’t quite enjoy it at the beginning, but it got amazing with time.

At 18 I was traveling and I discovered why was I so curious about independence. I could do anything. It was the pinnacle of freedom. I could go anywhere and nobody could even argue my decisions. Awe. But why, why was I craving these sensations if I had the most wonderful parents who never said anything and always let me do what I wanted to do. Actually, they always pushed me forward towards developing my decision-making.

I don’t know. It’s not that I have an answer for every question I formulate. What I can answer it that I had idealised  freedom and I rejected everything that might have attempted to change it.   

I think that paragraph is a great summary of my mind-set for the last two years. 

But now. Nowadays is what matters and I don't know what it the situation. I always face the easiest example when I think about this topic. Do I reject emotional stability? Am I scared of trying something more stable in opposition to my usual way of action? I don't know if I bring up this topic because of the jokes my friends do, or because it's actually something that matters to me. 

There is some sort of freedom you sacrifice when you start something new, compared to my actual lifestyle. Do I fear that? Am I wrong with my suppositions? I actually wonder, because I don't have an answer for any of these. 

I don’t know. Solution will be found on time. 

5 books to get you moving

Little friends. How ya been ?

I recommend you to sit your lil' asses down and rip that joint as you read this. It's been a while since my last post and I know that sucks. But in my defense the last couple of months have been the most intense and crazy times of my entire life. I decided to leave home and move to the greatest city in the world, Buenos Aires. It was a huge decision to make for me. A journey to the unknown, to this concrete jungle that a lot people told me would chew me up and spit me right back in a week. With a few savings and leaving most of the previous ideas behind, I said goodbye to my mom and left. It was more difficult than i thought it would be. I had never been alone in my life. I didn't know how to cook, what to do with my dirty clothes. Basically I found out I knew shit about life. Just another 19 yo kid that never left home for more than 2 months living at expense of his parents. Studying, but ?? I thought of traveling the world, backpacking, but that's just not my idea right now.
 It took me about 2 months to decide moving and start fresh in a new city, a bigger city, no relatives, just a few friends, no job no career, just this sounds in my head telling me to jump, to move my ass in this direction and don't look back. This crazy playlist  kept pushing me, giving me this feeling that what I was doing was the right thing to do. Tired of the same places, same people, It was time for the adventure and inspiration. So I put everything in a suitcase and just left.

Unsettled. I might not be here tomorrow
Hungry and scared, but on my way, ya know ?

Everything that's happen in this time, everything I have felt, done and thought is going to be in my next posts.
I took the time to explain what I been up to this last months so you can understand. I didn't had much time read, less time to write. I found a job, met lots of people and discovered 4,20% of this city. Its been tough but great what can I say. I had shitty times, sleeping in couches and days that I just watched Rick and Morty and smoke a lot of ganjah or woh woh. By a lot I mean A LOT motherfuckerssss

With everything said, I give you 5 books that got me moving. That gave me the inspiration to come here and stand tall in this rooftop and howl Here I am ya fucksss! This books made me this thing that I am now and that I constantly change, but they are always in my essence and I hardly doubt they will disappear eventually. Each and one of them have had a huge influence on me and they marked several times in my life

1. A Clockwork Orange
Shiiiiit I read this when I was a teenage punk rocker, don't mind the stereotype mate. But what can I say the book is awesome. Dude, if you're 14 and like the adicts you would probably dig ultraviolence and this gang of crazy fucks that on a normal Saturday evening enjoy getting high on a funny milky shit and beating up hobos and raping old ladies. This book opened a lot of doors for my curious inner self. Movies, Classical music, Punk Rock, I love the aesthetic, etc. It was the first real book that hooked me up. Instantly. I could only talk about the clockwork orange. After that book
I graduated in nerd college and started reading more than ever.

2. On the Road
Just imagine your grandfather or grand grandfather is 20 years old, digs writing, booze, jazz and marihuana. He and his best friend steal a car in New York, mid-forties, get high as fuck and drive dangerously fast to San Francisco. Stopping along the way to have sex with one of his 5 girlfriends. Meanwhile they spend time with a few of the most brilliant minds of their generation. Sounds awesome right ? Like every adventure has its ups and downs, like getting stranded in Mexico and abandoned by your best friend in your deathbed. That sucks. But this guys had the time is their lives, they influenced writers, musicians, poets. They even got their generation a cool name!! That electricity they had makes me feel like going out and doing things.

3. Dove
1965. California. Just a few years that crazy hippie movement happen. Robin Lee Graham was a 16 years old sailor. Now check this one out. He dropped out of high school and went on to sail around the world alone (only with the company of two little cats) in his tiny sloop. He got back home three years later, with a wife and a daughter. Imagine ask the adventures this boy had touring around lost islands in the Pacific that looked like heaven on earth. His times of solitude in the sea. Missing home, some real dangerous when he thought he would die. His story is awesome, he is a personal hero for me.

4. Into the Wild.
Classic. Overrated ? Was Chris crazy ? Maybe. Maybe he wasn't. This guy had a lot of issues with his family, and also a brilliant mind. Maybe he just took his desire for adventure and his search of meaning in life in the wrong direction. But you can learn a thing or two from this book. His final revelation before dying is beautiful. No matter where you go, how far you go, everything you accomplish doesn't mean shit if you end up alone. The only thing that matters is the people we care about. Everybody who has been on the road should understand. What else can you say about a book that gives you that urge to travel, discover, search for new experiences, be amazed by the wonders of nature and search for meaning in your life?

5. Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test.
Just picture yourself traveling in a bus fueled by LSD, full of hippies. A bus that's driven by Neal Cassidy. Imagine that situation. Like man, you're documenting the birth of the hippie movement. Featuring Ken Kesey and the merry pranksters. Getting high and drinking beers with the Hell Angels. Or jamming with the Grateful Dead. Or buying the best acid from Owsley himself. Dude that must have been an awesome long strange trip to be part of. Everything that happened back then marked a time of history. You can't do that shit this days.

Who says you can't ?
All this people just lived their lives, adventures just came along. That's worth living for, innit?

1. From when I acknowledged the differences in the spectrum of happiness

I believe this is probably the most beautiful realisation I’ve had. It came right before I began to live the life I had dreamed of and I wasn’t conscious about. I was 18 and I had summarised al my belongings into two backpacks. I had short hair and I didn’t know who would I be in one year from this point. I was starting a transformation of my personality and viewpoints. The realisation came in New York and the story reads:

In the second week of my trip, when I was “living” in Brooklyn, I went for a run. It was cloudy and rain was more than a supposition. I had this structure: I would run twice around the park and stop afterwards in a free gym to work out. This gym was in a sketchy area, but I knew nothing would happen; everyone I had met there had been absolutely kind and welcoming.

When I was done working out I ran back home, rain had begun and dinner time was on the clock. On the way I passed by a metal structure that was meant to be an artistic bench. This bench had a tiny roof where you could hide from the rain. It was a red structure. When I passed by I saw two people playing the guitar and singing. They had beers with them and looked homeless. The guitar was out of tune. One man; one woman.

This man seemed to be in his 60’s. He had wrinkles all over his face. He had white hair and beard that generated a beautiful contrast with his dark skin. He was smiling, but you could see he had been through lot, we can’t even imagine half of the stories this man had been through.

The woman had blonde, messy hair. She was wrinkly too, but younger than the man. She had a tough face. She barely had cheeks and looked very skinny. I still can’t tell if either I felt it or saw it, but I somehow knew her life hadn’t been easy.

When I passed by them I stopped. An inner voice recommended me that I shouldn’t, but a louder one moved me to stop and see what they were doing. I approached them, recognised the song and I started following the rhythm until the song was over. We clapped and I asked them if I could join them.

This is probably the second thing you don’t do. We are told that we shouldn’t talk to homeless people and, if we do, never join them! I knew I had to prove this wrong to myself. I could feel that nothing was going to happen, we are all humans and this gets enhanced when there is music between us.

They kindly welcomed me and they squeezed together so we could all fit in the bench. I asked them if I could play the guitar and if they minded I tuned it. They nodded, offered me a beer and, before I answered, it was taken away because: “stop it! How can you offer him a beer? He is too young!  

When I had the guitar in my hands I realised I hadn’t played in a while and how much I missed it. I looked at them and I asked them if they knew Sublime while I started playing What I got. We sang, we rapped and we laughed while we were making the lyrics up.

After What I got they asked for a more relaxed song and I came up with Redemption Song and the reactions were very powerful. We improvised the lyrics. We saw people looking at us while we were singing as if there was nobody else there and we didn’t care. We had built this bubble out of music where we could do anything we wanted, we were too happy to be disturbed by social pressure.

When we finished Redemption Song I was about to start something else when they stopped me to say something I can, more and less, quote. I will never forget this: “Thanks, Simón. Thanks for joining us here tonight. I am surprised you stopped to play with us. We are old people in the side of a park who could be dangerous and you ignored that”. I answered that it was my pleasure to meet them and I tried to start playing again, but he continued: “You know why are we here tonight? We have been coming to this point for the last 15 years, every Thursday we would come here with my brother to play and sing. Last week my brother passed away and we have been devastated. We had a band and now we can’t play anymore. We didn’t know what to do and we decided to come here today, on the same day that we would always come to do what he liked. And today, when we didn’t have him, you appeared. Thanks, Simón. You made us happy. Thank you very much.

I had no words to express what I felt in that moment. I just separated my head from my fingers and I let them play Tears in Heaven. That was the best I could think of; I believe it was the right decision. They listened and enjoyed. I was nervous, but I knew that I would not commit a mistake.

When I finished I hugged both of them and told them I had to go. I told them I would never forget what happened and what they had taught me. I say goodbye once again and I left.

On my way home I couldn’t hold my tears. I wondered why was I crying if I had experienced something that deep and, feelings-wise, intense.  I realised I was crying because I was happy. Truly happy. I felt joyful, excited and complete (in a way). I wondered why, if I had been happy through all my life, hadn’t I cried of it before. I came up with a very graphic description to what was happening to me:

If we represent happiness with a bar, whenever we receive a material gift that we really want we reach a certain point on this bar. 30/40% maybe. When we see that our parents are doing great and they are doing perfectly good with themselves, maybe reaches a 50/60%. What happens with this is that we only know how big this bar is according to what we have experienced. When we reach that 60% we believe that is the end of the happiness bar, that we can’t be happier. Nevertheless, what I discovered is that whenever we help someone to achieve his own happiness, we experience a level of happiness that goes beyond this bar.

We go over the 100% to a level we can’t control. We cry, we scream, we do stuff we never do. Bliss.

This is what I discovered. I discovered a sensation that was fulfilling as nothing had ever been. I learnt I need to help someone to achieve it again and I wished that moment came as soon as possible.

I loved this sensation. I did love it and I hope everybody can experience it one day. I encountered a game changer.